Woe is he who declares naught.
Spirits leave me!
I have nothing for you!
Sprites call me no more!
Leave this place!
Begone!
Inner spirits and sprites I declare,
leave me once,
leave me twice,
leave me thrice.
I care not where you go,
I care not who you plague,
though so long as it is not I.
Where? Where are you?
And most important, where is us?
Did us ever existed in a place outside the spectrum of my dreams?
I've come to think it did not.
I've looked for it here, there, inside my sheets, outside lips, and underneath my skin.
There is no sign of it.
So we are way past the end now.
We are in the nothing, feel nothing about this stage.
And that is the worst stage.
So, now that is over, I can't help but think
How you promised you'd never let go, and how you did.
And oh how I hate liars.
Suddenly,
it strikes you,
you are here,
alone.
Friends,
lovers,
insignificant others,
they don't matter,
not at the end of the night, anyway.
When the sun comes down,
It's just you,
you and if you're lucky that person,
the person next to you,
with whom you share a bed,
a space, a moment,
but nothing more.
You are alone,
alone against the world,
alone for the rest of your life.
So I say it proud,
I stand alone.
I need no one,
no one needs me.
Unattached,
blissfully unattached.
I wasn't there one day.
That's it.
That's all that happened.
I don't know what else to tell you.
I was there most of my life,
And then one day,
I just wasn't.
It was sort of like watching a train, really.
For a brief moment,
The train captures everything in it's path.
While it exists within your presence,
You don't matter.
The train is, and all must observe.
But then,
It's gone.
Like it never happened.
No remnants or evidence it was ever there,
Except for some battered, old tracks,
Fading to nowhere and halfway to everywhere.
I still don't understand what the big deal is.
I didn't do anything immoral.
I mean, did I?
This was free will at its best.
And who are you to tell me my life path is lesser in some way than yours?
You can't justify that,
So I really can't listen.
I don't have the time.
I get where you're coming from.
I really do.
But I can't support it.
Just can't go along.
You're wrong.
And that's all there is to it.
It's hard to swallow,
I know.
I've certainly been there.
The realization of ignorance is a dark, deserted plain.
Nothing to guide you out,
And time seems to eerily ebb and flow.
But it gets better.
Trust me.
There are plenty of lantern-bearers,
Scavenging the darkness for a new recipient of their flame.
And they will guarantee that you are fit to bear it.
Time is on our side,
I promise.
We got caught up in thinking life was a race,
And now we're really fucked.
Our perception is all misaligned and out of focus.
No wonder life seems so gray and sad,
Because you're not even seeing life.
Wait.
Stop.
Reverse.
Now think.
Listen.
Live.
But not just as who you think you are.
We're instinct more than anything,
So for the love of the generations before you,
Which is to say you,
Let go.
I'm no prophet.
Certainly no savior-related agenda here.
I'm not even doing this for you.
I'm doing this for the most selfish reasons I've seen.
I don't like who you are,
Because you want to kill me.
So I'm here,
To perfect your system, use it against you, and destroy every bad thought the human race has decided to keep.
Heh.
Lofty, you think?
But I'm not worried.
I'm not thinking on anywhere close to a lifetime scale.
We're talking generations.
Of me.
And you.
But only you after me.
I'm leaving my mark here.
Why?
Because, well, I love my life.
More than anything I've ever felt.
More powerful than lust,
More overwhelming than sadness.
And the way I see it is,
If I can look at my existence with such reverence and satisfaction,
I've got to be doing something right.
And this is all I'm ever going to have.
Ever.
So it's past the point of embracing,
And on to the task of spreading.
My soul,
My body,
And my experiences.
And you might not be here afterward,
But be my guest to resist.
Inspiration is in short supply these days.
There's been a drought lately.
And how can one live without Inspiration?!
At least, a person who lives out of art.
How can I breathe while knowing that I am inhaling the lack of hope?
Has fate sealed me away from myself?
Did she erupt in a jealous rage,
Evaporating the lakes of the muses,
To hear their screams soar above the hiss of despair?
Is Fate so fickle?
Or perhaps, it is fear?
Fate so willingly murdered my darling,
And had me believe that nothing was wrong;
That I was still the girl who stared awe-struck at the world,
Rushing to the nearest wall to record my latest discovery.
Well, she murdered him too.
But not before she cast his face into the mask that's been suffocating me,
Casting this haze across my sight.
No more, I say!
I will bring this vile wretch to justice,
Not through retribution,
But by the undoing of her act.
I take it upon myself,
To reach beyond her walls,
And irrigate this City covered in ash of Goddesses and mortals alike,
To wash away her sins.
We will wash away everything but the smallest evidence of this Demoness,
So as to always remember our errors through complacency,
Myself the most guilty of all.
But with this new found Inspiration,
The latent Inspiration that keeps tickling our minds,
Fueling the entirety of our projects,
We find forgiveness.
It's time.
We are reborn,
As it shall be from now on:
We are flux.
I had you with me.
Had = have in past tense
and that is the issue,
for you are no longer here.
Time and place don't do much for us.
Us doesn't stand a chance.
It's strange, you know?
How I knew I was going to miss you when we first said hello.
And yesterday
When I catched you staring at me with that sneaky askance,
I figured out this time you were going to miss me too.
Or God, how I hope you do.
You see, I really wish you could long for me like I long for you.
But you don't, and you probably never will.
Or so I think.
With you its so hard to figure out, you see.
Because you are not with me,
Yet you are still here,
For quite a time now,
but your reasons remain unknown.
You're such a mistery.
And I like it that way.
You are half a God
and you're half a beast.
Your words echo in my ears,
Your touch still burns my skin.
You come like the sun,
You leave like a dream.
You make my world tremble
with every one of your movements,
and specially, with every one of your thoughts.
Long is going to be the wait
another six months 'till your here
Still calm and rest I wait,
Knowin you're in my life is all I need.
I can already begin to feel you,
Boy with sun-lit hair and the matching stare.
Our eyes, again, are crossing paths.
We are exchanging more than words, it feels.
And I can tell I'm losing, myself, again.
Losing myself to you.
And this feeling is gonna tear me up.
Time's standing still now,
You've entered my stage for the second time,
To teach me what life is really about.
You bend down and whisper your truth,
Because you've got life all figure out.
Truth is, you still got a lot of things to learn.
But it's okay, I know that so do I.
And this time, we are both taking it slow.
I am baffled by this concept of human emotion.
How badly I wish it could quiet, just for an evening.
To be a passenger in my own robotic body.
These emotions are cruel,
diffusing my mindful awareness straight to the blood thirsty heart.
With every action and every emotion,
it siphons recklessly and uncontrollably.
My organ speaks and moves involuntary.
Sshh, I say.
Arrest yourself.
I simply am not there. I don't feel here.
It will hurt you, and then me times three.
She blindly parades over my every follicle,
prying into the dark, left atrium.
I cannot imagine what she does to you, you, and you.
My own worst enemy lies right inside of my own being.
It will never shut the fuck up.
Please be still I tell it.
You get me in a vessel full of trouble.
The heart, the mind, the emotions.
The latter of the three is so selfish and hasty.
Always thinking about herself.
What was I sopposed to do? Walk with logic?
Logical thinking would be to walk away. Run away.
Away from you.
No, no, no.
I listened.
To that pumping, bleeding, hipocritical, analytical, greedy, tight-fisted, beautiful organ.
The metal heart that you see in me, is just me using it all, whole heartedly, to it's full racing.
And for that, give me credit...
I've been screaming to the world
the soft words of 'Love is the way' for so very long,
but I still see no response.
People are apparently to afraid to try
Or maybe they're too busy to play.
They are more interested in lies, deceit, money, power.
They don't understand that love is the way.
Not a way, but the way.
Am I being foolish?
I don't think so.
You see,
Hate is easy, I won't deny.
But love feels so much more divine.
Even after is gone.
And who can deny it tastes so much better?
Psychologically, physically, existentially speaking.
Yet, sometimes even I forget this.
When I do, I soon get tired of fighting.
In war you can't ever win but you can certainly lose, you know?
Such a self-destructive activity.
And when I engage in self-destructive tendencies,
I always find myself lost in restless nights,
Full of memories, thoughts and feelings that bring me teary eyes.
That's when I remember... 'love is the only way' right?
And in that moment, all the joy of the world
Its brought to my chest and my hands,
And just like dove wings nurtured every bit of it,
Love nurtures me.
No matter how many wrong roads I walk,
How many bad turns I make,
I always come back to love.
No matter how low into darkness I take my life,
I always end up experiencing more comfort in rising.
No matter how much detachment or pain I experience,
Love will always find a way back into my life.
And I'm not only talking about a male-female kind of love,
But more about an asexual sort of love.
A love for humanity.
A love for life.
A love for love.
A love that emanates from within
And reaches every corner of the soul.
So love the others,
And never forget.
Love 'til you can love no more.
Then, force yourself to experience it one more time.
Heck, love even for the sake of loving.
Love because loving feels so damn fuckin' good.
Maybe if people start lovin' more
They'll realize to what extent we have been infected with materialism.
And I'm guilty too.
It's a hard habit to kick,
It's a hard obsession to put down.
But it's necessary.
In the most urgent sort of way.
Our generation has no great war, per se.
We have no rebellion to speak of.
We are complacent screws in a machine
That seems to be heading towards the edge of a precipice.
So I propose this.
Lets make love our revolution.
Maybe then our generation will find some interest in something productive.
This is the only war we need to win, you see.
Is the only one worth fighting.
So let's all get involved,
After all, we are all in this together.
Join me in this war, join me if you care.
Let's fight without guns,
Let's fight without bombs,
Let's fight with our hearts and with our minds.
Let's fight not only for our lives, but for all lives.
Let's fight for everything we have ever known.
This is our last chance to make it.
We're reaching a critical point, don't you see?
There's too many people fighting for the other side...
A war for liberty means justice,
But a war for life and love?
That means everything.
My life is filled with you.
When gone, I'm left with nothing.
And now, even the smell of coffee burns.
My body is empty, bloodless.
You are not here.
Alas!
I thought I knew so much.
I thought I had control.
But I can't want what I should want.
And what's forbidden I can't cease to search.
Your absence brings evenings of misery,
Still I'll wait for you.
I need your words in my ears.
I need your form in my eyes.
I need your hands on my body.
I need your thoughts on my mind.
There's nothing left to do,
except,
maybe,
destroy myself.
Perhaps if I destroy the body
The soul will be set free from you.
