The beach was white as death.

I was dancing all over the sand that looked and felt like snow.

I can still feel the spray, if I try.

The great force displayed and reestablished with every surge,

With every wave a new landscape come crashing down on me.

The water doesn't know, but I felt its struggle.

The attempt to break free of the icy clutches of the omnipresent life-force,

Only to get dragged down,

Down,

Down,

And back.

And I can relate to it.

I can relate to the oceans dancing water.

I'll paint your name with my eyes

Because my fingers are busy with thinking,

I don't think you understand what I'm trying to say

But perhaps you'll understand this

I'll be the books that you've forgot you love
And i'll be the lover that'll end up forgetting you

I'll be the thoughts in your mouth,

And the sensations in your hand that won't leave your body because you never write them down.

And I say this with my hands,

Because these words come directly from my fingers,

For they type before my head can understand what I feel...

i can’t sleep
i can't think
im afraid, that i might... miss God
i feel like one of these days he might walk through the door
and if he sees that im not paying attention,
he wont even bother to talk
im like a kid waiting for santa clause
im scared of letting the chance to meet him pass me by
cuz i might be able to find him one day, downstairs
or maybe rummaging around my kitchen
and if i fall asleep, i wont hear him
and ill find out that i woke up late
that he was indeed there, but now he has left
and what i f he never shows up.. ?
what if im just like Vladimir and Estragon?
what if im waiting for someone/thing that will never show up?
i’m afraid the world’s going to blow up
that we’re all going to die
that.we’re.never.going.to.find.the.reasons.why
and the bombs they’ll keep falling
both metaphoric and literally
and the roofs will all just drop
and the ground will open up
over 700 people died while i was drinking coffee the other day
and 2 more million where displaced
if i hadn't sleep were they had died the same?

i want this night to be the coldest night ever
while i find myself speaking to a hole in the wall
theres only one more cigarette left in the pack
and im sure it will taste sweeter than all the other ones
but im afraid to light it
i wonder why i am insecure so very often
my throat is full with memories
my heart is in a basket
and to be honest you made me better
you gave me more of what sits inside of me
but at nights the only thing i want to hold is God
yet i dont have to guts to live for him instead of myself
and it makes me feel like time is slipping and i'm wasting it away
by day i wish i had a lover, but i dont have one
for the same reason i dont have God
and i know time is slipping and i'm wasting it away
if only i had someone to share it with,
but i would be lying if i said i care
sometimes i wish i had a home, but i refuse to ever go back
i would like to hear a sound so sad it gives me aches
or to feel something that would make my heart beat faster,
or slower... i dont really mind
my ankles are just so tired of carrying my pains
my hands are damaged for carving my thoughts onto stones
my soul was given up on trying to fill up this hole
i wonder what it would feel to share some real tears
and why i am disattached so very often